Unwilling to waste the wait
The following post was written by Jacqui Jackson, iHope’s co-founder, on her Grateful Mommy blog. It can be accessed here: http://www.thegratefulmommy.com
I’m a bit Type A; probably a bit type A-, if I’m being completely honest. I don’t stress over the details, but I can focus intensely (read: slightly obsess) about the big picture. I was completely convicted of that this past Sunday as our pastor was preaching on “The Wait.” What do you do with yourself when you have prayed, pleaded, and pretended, and you are still in a season you didn’t ever plan to be in? I don’t know about you, but about 12 years ago, I found myself in such a season. I’d love to tell you that I waited graciously, prayerfully even…but no. I was impatient, my prayers were hurt and angry, and my ability to see past my wait was virtually nil.
My sweet and ever-so-eloquent sister coined the phrase, “Waiting is like having to pee very badly, but you can’t find a bathroom.” So that’s how I waited – like I had an irritating, unwanted peeing disease. I was in a “test” that I NEVER thought God would move to “testimony,” but God is kind and His timing is perfect, and He did move. He moved in me first, and then in my circumstances, which I have realized is the order in which He usually works.
Having been raised in the church – church on Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, Wednesday nights, and even attending a parochial school Monday through Friday – I realized I waited like an Israelite. Having that much Bible up in me, I should have been able to see all that God had already done for me and used that season of waiting to learn to rest in Him. Instead, I pouted, whined, cried, and even had a little pity party. It was hard on me and on those who loved me.
So here I am again, in a season of waiting. My Dear Husband and I have learned to pray more humbly, asking God to please move in us so that we have teachable spirits. We say, “Jesus, we don’t want to wander in a desert of our own making or of our circumstances, so move in us, then move in the situation – If It’s Your Will.” Adding “Thy Will” into it took a lot of brokenness on my part to even be able to utter. But finally I realized that it’s safe to fully surrender to the God who loves me.
So this time as I wait, I don’t want to waste it. I don’t want to trudge unwillingly through a desert when the blessing is right around the corner. So if you happen to see me preparing a pity party, just love on me, gently remind me that God’s taken me from test to testimony more than once, and if I just graciously get out of His way, “The Wait” will ultimately be worth it.